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Lottery Jokes
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 .::. Free Lottery Jokes .::. 
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 .::. Losing money on golf: .::. 

One day Steve came home after losing a lot of money playing golf. A short while later his wife, Julie, came home from work wearing a new fur coat. "Hey, where'd you get that coat?" he asked her.

"Can you believe? My boss won on a lottery ticket and this was my share!" she explained.

A week later, Julie drove home a new car and once again explained that it was all part of the lottery winnings. A few weeks after that she came home wearing an expensive necklace and matching earrings. She came home a few nights later and told Steve she was very tired and asked if he could please start a bath for her. But when she got to the bathroom, there was only an inch of water in the tub. "Why did you put in so little water?" she asked her husband.

"Well, WE DON'T WANT YOUR LOTTERY TICKET GETTING TOO WET NOW, DO WE?"


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 .::. Praying for help .::. 
Sam was in dire trouble. His business had gone bust and he was in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate he decided to pray for help.

He began, ‘God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.’ Lottery night came and Sam didn’t win.

Again Sam prays, ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.’ Lotto night comes and Sam still has no luck.

Once again, he prays, ‘My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.’

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. Sam is confronted by the voice of God Himself: ‘Sam,’ says God, ‘meet Me halfway on this. Buy a bloody ticket.’


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 .::. Short Lottery Jokes .::. 

Webster's Definition of Lottery
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

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A man rushed into his house and yelled to his wife, ‘Mary, pack up your things. I just won the National Lottery!’

‘Brilliant,’ replied Mary, ‘shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’

‘I don't care.’ the man sneered, ‘just so long as you're out of the house by noon!’

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Did you hear about the man who won $20,000,000 on the Lottery?
He gets $20 a year for a million years.

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A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

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 .::. Harry: .::. 

Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.

One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?"

Harry says, "I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks."

A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.

One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?"

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won ten grand. I'm feeling so damn lucky that I think I'm going to ask that new Indian girl in Accounting out on a date."

The next Monday morning Harry is doing cartwheels down the hall.

One of the co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?"

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. You know that Indian girl from Accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and the next thing I know she's giving me the best blow job I ever had."

One of his co-workers says. "Man, are you frigging lucky."

Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. She's blowing me, I look down, and you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it and I won ten grand."


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